I have to accept that you left.

“My friend once told me that if I had decided to let something go, I’d have to count from ten to one.

Ten:  I want to go out for coffee alone and go to places I’ve been wanting to go to without the fear of running into you. I don’t want to avoid my life anymore because of my past.
Nine: I want to go home without being afraid that everything would feel the same as when I had left. I want to stop associating ‘home’ to such a terrible place just because you’re there.
Eight: I want to be able to say your name without feeling my chest tighten. As common as your name gets, be it a noun or verb, I want to say it straight up- not censor it, not say it backwards. I wanna say it like it never meant anything. 
Seven: I have to stop wishing you the worst. I want to stop caring about your future. I don’t want to have any thoughts about you anymore.
Six: I need to stop waiting for that day when you’d realise that you’re sorry for hurting and throwing away someone like me. That won’t change anything anyway. I’m happier and stronger because of you. I’m better because of you.
Five: I must stop blaming myself for all the shit I had to go through because you existed in my life. I have to forgive myself. 
Four: I have to stop being angry at you for not taking me seriously. For never answering my calls, for ignoring all my questions, and for leaving me to answer them on my own. I want to stop being angry at her just because she’s the reason you never came back. I want to live in peace. 
Three: I want to stop telling myself that I’m a bad person. I shouldn’t be defined by my mistakes. 
Two: I need to stop believing that I am worthless because you decided to throw me away. I will not be defined by the way you see me, or how you came to know me, or who you thought I was. You never really knew me.

One : I have to stop rewinding to that day when I first met you. I need to stop thinking of what could have been if we had never met. I have to accept what happened, I have to accept that you left.”