Advice i needed, but never had. 😏

“No one’s been honest with you and that’s why you’re scared.

You won’t let her all the way go. you’re leaving the door cracked for her to come back in. You won’t shut her all the way out for the fear of there still being a small chance. 
You don’t want to ruin that small chance.

And this is because all you’ve ever been told is “she’ll come back” or “she’ll realize what she had” or “give it time”

Poor boy, no one has been honest with you but here I am and that’s what I’m going to do.

Delete her number. You’re not using it. You shouldn’t be, anyway. Don’t talk to her because there’s nothing to be severed from empty conversation and you’ll look foolish when she doesn’t reply.

Delete her pictures. From your phone, anyway. You don’t need them. You just get sad when you look at them, and it’s okay. But you can choose happiness. So print them out and put them in a box in your closet and delete them. Choose happiness.

Don’t think about her. Don’t cry about her. When you see something that breaks your heart, curse her name and take a breath and carry on. Do you honestly think she ever spends more than a minute with your name on her mind? Now why should you be so upset over him?

Don’t wait. Kiss that other damn girl that wants to kiss you. Don’t leave that door cracked. Slam it. If she wants you she’ll work to get it back open. If she doesn’t want you enough in the end to try, lock it.

Don’t expect the best, either. There are chances he thinks about you and will miss you. But there are also chances she doesn’t miss you and never will. Chances are she’s simply out of love, or moved on. Chances are it’s over. 
Don’t waste your youth away on people who do not care.”

Stay away from me though!

“I can tell you I love you and you are the best thing that has ever happened to me, but I can also tell you, you have hurt me to the point of no return or broke our promises so much I can’t even believe in them anymore. You have ruined my trust, stability, and self worth. You have ruined my good heart, cheerful personality, and thought of recovery. You have ruined my ever thought of getting better, or staying safe or clean. You have ruined my innocence. I can’t stop thinking about you, about us, the cool nights near the water, kissing passionately. You have ruined my favorite smells, my tea, my everyday thoughts. The smell of you lingers on me like a wildflower. I can’t forget about our little spots, your sly smiles and giggles. You have ruined happiness for me. I’m depressed about being depressed. I can’t stop thinking about the picture in my mind of you and him kissing, and its been months. I can’t stop thinking about my red eyes, and blue lips. I really don’t know how to put myself back together. I miss your warm breath on my neck. I miss your sweet lips. Fuck, I just miss you. I haven’t slept since you left. I still have the pendant you gave me, I held it so tight in my hand it left a mark for four days. I also can’t forget about your secretiveness, harsh words, and words unsaid. The way you looked at him. His pictures saved in your gallery. I just can’t forget. I’m begging the God I don’t even believe in rid to your words from my head. I’m cold in all direction, but I am lost without your warmth. I never thought loving you would hurt this bad. I wish I had never woken that day, you strayed away.”

I Dont know 😟

Don’t let go of him.
He needs you. He wants you to stay, but he doesn’t know how to say it. He’s confused. He’s afraid of waking up in the morning without your long sweet messages. He’s afraid of walking alone because he got used to hold your hand whenever you’re with him. He needs you more than anyone and anything else. He needs you for the next days of his life. He wants to feel your presence because it makes him strong and calm. He wants to hear your voice until three in the morning because it’s his favorite sound and it makes him fall asleep.
Don’t stop.
Don’t get tired of telling him how much he means to you. Don’t stop chasing him when he’s pushing you away. If he asks for space and freedom, give it to him, but don’t let go of his hand. Never go away from him. Prove to him that your love can conquer all things. Stay with him, forever.
He loves you. 
He wants you to stay. 
Don’t let him go.
He’s lost, save him.

I still wish 😟

“I’ve never been any good at math, but I know that I’m only a fraction of myself since you left. I hate that you’ve reduced me to nothing but blank stares and bloodshot eyes, but I still wish you were here to make me whole again. I wish you were here to be mine again.

I’ve never been any good at anything at all but don’t tell me I wasn’t good at being yours. I was so in love with you that I wanted to write it on every surface of your skin and every nerve ending. I wanted you to feel my love in your bloodstream even after you left.

I hope my lips still haunt you when you don’t fall asleep fast enough. I hope you look for me in every persons face you see on the sidewalk and I hope you look for my green eyes every time you see his murky brown ones. I hope you realize you made a mistake when you kiss his neck and suddenly wish you weren’t tasting her skin but mine instead.

I hope it tears you apart and I hope you call me on the phone at 3 am because you need to tell me you’re sorry but god please can we just try again.

I hope I don’t pick up.”

I made it out in the end, Happy Everafter! 😁

"get rid of her. i mean it. you will absently check your phone without meaning it, so leave it behind and go sit outside. stack rocks on each other and pretend you’re burying your love alive. leave it there. be sad, but don’t listen to adele or you’ll take her back. blast breakup music. burn your hair with bleach, cut it, whatever. revel in the fact nobody asks you “but will she like it?” who gives a shit. know when you’re overdoing it. know that it’s not a race and some people don’t heal as fast as others, maybe you’re a turtle kind of person, keep your insides soft and when something gets in that shell it fucking hurts. get rid of her. sew up the missing parts with better things. they’ll feel empty at first. that’s okay. that’s okay. empty doesn’t mean endless. it means more room for new things. you’re okay if you’re still upset a year later about things. you’re okay if when you think of her you’re on the verge of crying. just don’t think about her. delete her from your phone if not only to be able to say “sorry who dis” if she ever texts. it’s not about winning the breakup, fuck that, just come home when you can. if she burned everything of course she’s going to win, she fucked you over to begin with; so don’t worry she’s got a new boyfriend and a new job. you had to start from scratch. had to plant trees in ashes. if you’re alive that’s a good thing. she tried to kill the loving parts of you and you’re still growing. get rid of her, don’t worry that when you saw her you were in sweats and a dirty shirt. you’re a person who has been entirely hurt. you don’t have to prove you are doing better. you just have to exist without her. my mother always said being happy is the best revenge. so get rid of her. be happy. know that you had literally nothing and you still made it out in the end."

I have to accept that you left.

“My friend once told me that if I had decided to let something go, I’d have to count from ten to one.

Ten:  I want to go out for coffee alone and go to places I’ve been wanting to go to without the fear of running into you. I don’t want to avoid my life anymore because of my past.
Nine: I want to go home without being afraid that everything would feel the same as when I had left. I want to stop associating ‘home’ to such a terrible place just because you’re there.
Eight: I want to be able to say your name without feeling my chest tighten. As common as your name gets, be it a noun or verb, I want to say it straight up- not censor it, not say it backwards. I wanna say it like it never meant anything. 
Seven: I have to stop wishing you the worst. I want to stop caring about your future. I don’t want to have any thoughts about you anymore.
Six: I need to stop waiting for that day when you’d realise that you’re sorry for hurting and throwing away someone like me. That won’t change anything anyway. I’m happier and stronger because of you. I’m better because of you.
Five: I must stop blaming myself for all the shit I had to go through because you existed in my life. I have to forgive myself. 
Four: I have to stop being angry at you for not taking me seriously. For never answering my calls, for ignoring all my questions, and for leaving me to answer them on my own. I want to stop being angry at her just because she’s the reason you never came back. I want to live in peace. 
Three: I want to stop telling myself that I’m a bad person. I shouldn’t be defined by my mistakes. 
Two: I need to stop believing that I am worthless because you decided to throw me away. I will not be defined by the way you see me, or how you came to know me, or who you thought I was. You never really knew me.

One : I have to stop rewinding to that day when I first met you. I need to stop thinking of what could have been if we had never met. I have to accept what happened, I have to accept that you left.”

Just Some thoughts! 😧

No matter what time it is, where I’m at, or who I’m with, I always end up thinking about you. Your name on my tongue tastes sweet, but bitter: feeling like you belong there, but knowing that you don’t. You’ve been on my mind more times than there are minutes in a day because honestly, you’re never far from my thoughts. Because I can’t go an instance without thinking, “oh, she’d like that” or “oh, I wonder what it would be like if she was here,” and that’s how I know I’ve crossed the line. Liking someone is easy, maybe a little complicated, but admitting you like someone is a hell of a lot easier than admitting you love them.. But I don’t. It’s not possible.. Right? Because even though I don’t know you, when I’m in your presence my heart floats and I feel at ease. Because even though I don’t know you, I feel like you’re the beat in my heart that’s been missing. Because even though I don’t know you, I might be in love with you.