Verge Of Getting NUMB??

i know you love him nd who ever crossed ur mind when u read that, maybe they knw how u feel or dont. Maybe they had a chance with u bt broke it. Maybe they swept you off ur feet only to drop you suddenly without warning.Maybe they hurt you so bad yet you ach fr them during when u get lonely.Maybe you sit in ur room at 2am crying over tge txt u got a month ago, trying desprately where it went wrong. Maybe u dream of her and replay the memories over and over of the time when it was perfect, only to wake up and realize the reality shes gone. and Maybe you blame urself for falling fr her. You knew what would happen bt u did it anyway. Its hurts and Maybe one day it wont too. 😴

Heart spoked what it shouldnt ! :(

I wish i couldnt remember all our memories. All the late night talks, 3 hour long phone calls, the song suggestations. All the places we went the things we said we'd do, the moment we shared and the intimacy we had. I love it all, every pieces of it. Remembering, looking back , thinking about all the what ifs, it kills me. If only i could forget and move on. if only i could convice myself i am better off without u and stop going to the moments i was the most happy.
With u its always with you. Its just not that
you hurt me too. you werent always the best, but now i dont seem to care. Good oversees the bad. All i want i a second chance maybe third or more. but i know its bad for me. i know you are bad for me. you are like a drug and im addicted. i need a rehab but i just cant get there. Deep down i really dont want to. i dont want to let you go, i dont want to live my life without you. Even if it kills me. :(

So damn Relevent. Isnt it??

I remember when i was love sick. you block out everyone. you feel so tired that u havent slept in forever. you know she'll be in your dreams but you dont want to stay awake lying in your bed crying either. you're starving but you cant eat because you are starving for her  and every memory leaves you with a bigger hole in your heart. Even your clothes remind u of her, what u wore when u hangout. you can still smell them all over her, even though her scent havent been there for long. your online and he signs on, all you want is to scream at her to go away but you just watch the screen waiting for her to say anything but he signs off and u tear yourself apart for not saying anything to her.

I am trying not to Regret the decisions i make

Most of the time it doesnt bother me that were torn now. most of the times i dont even
think about it. but sometimes i do and then sometimes it hurts. not because i loved you so much, no.
but because you've been a part of my life for so long and because i have to learn  now to walk my way without you
being there to help me in my hard times. Even though u put a rock in my path youve still had a part of my heart
and it doesnt matter hoe big or small that part were, now its gone and theres only an emty hole left.
and i have to learn to accept that the hole and to not be afraid of it anymore. because i have been afraid of it, it meant losing a art of myself
that would never come back after already having lost so much. i have to learn to go on and to let go so i can collect the energy to grow new arts of my heart
for new peole and places and to make space for life. i've never been good at letting go or leaving but im trying. and im
tring not to be afaid of it

I was drowning but you saved me !

Okay picture this :
you've got your head underwater in a bathtub, holding your breath and every second your lungs start to burn.

(That was me trying not to fall in love with her. )

Again picture this :
At this very last second when your lungs start to feel like fireworks, you break the surface. Pulling in a gaint breath of fresh air that you so despreately needed.

(This was me falling in love with her.)

Numb?? Go away then !

What do you want frm me? I have nthg else to give. I have given u all my love, all my sadness, and happiness my innocence and even the guilt that lies within me. Is that not enough? Am i not enough? I knw u want more bt i have nthg else to offer. I am empty and i wish i had more for you cause u deserve a never ending kind of love bt that is not me. I am drained of everything. I wish i was the boy that could make u happy but darling i cant even make myself happy. I am barely breathing nd i jus want u to love me the way i do, but you are a taker and  I'm a giver, i no longer have anything to give. :'(